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Category Archives: Mercy

Life goes on. So will I.

I remember back in the early 90’s a family sitcom called “Life Goes On.” The show chronicled the life of a family dealing with the challenges of raising and supporting a family member with Down’s syndrome. A sister who had to learn to accept her brother, while trying to be accepted by her peers. Navigating a relationship resulting in grief, until we find in the end they all grow up. They all navigate and move through life with all its up and downs, and that life really does go on, just like the theme song for the show promised.

But, sometimes in the midst of it all, you are forced to put life on hold for a while.

In order to be reminded that life does go on, but so will you.

Life was actually going pretty good. I had finally let go of some junk. Had a routine down that kept me balanced. I was happier. Had more joy. And I could count on only one hand the number of times I had cried at work this year. I didn’t dread the commute. The day. No longer cried on my way home. I felt like I was in a balanced place.

In fact, the moment that all would turn for me, I had been doing what I had been doing daily-laughing. I was finally, after more than a year, feeling like myself again.

Until I wasn’t.

And in a matter of hours, I began to shift back into that irritable, cry at the drop of a hat, negative thought having woman of old.

And life had to stop. Or, well it really didn’t. It went on. Without me.

I was the one forced to stop.

I couldn’t do anything. The girl so used to going, couldn’t go. I couldn’t even pray in the same way. Moved to my seated position in my closet to laying down. All to keep the world from spinning.

I felt alone. I felt like I had no idea who I was. Fear that life was going on, just as it should.

And it did. Life went on. Continued to spin on its axis, just like my head.

Life went on…and so did I?

For a moment I was lonely, until laying in my closet floor, surrounded by the prayers I had placed on the wall, I saw this:

You are with me; your rod and your staff comfort me. Psalm 23:4

God was there on that floor with me.

While I may have been a little fearful of my prognosis. Of what others would think (or even not think) of it, I was reminded over and over in my doubts:

Tell fearful souls, “Courage! Take heart! God is here, right here, on his way to put things right And redress all wrongs. He’s on his way! He’ll save you!” Isaiah 35:4

And though I couldn’t see it at first, he was giving me power once again. Reminding me that life goes on, and so will I?

Giving me words to write (well, transcribe) when writing became too hard. Giving me time for much needed rest. Giving me fresh new ideas I hadn’t thought possible before. You know, back when I thought my life was balanced. I could see that I rarely gave myself time to even think of my purpose, and all the ways my talents could be used for His glory.

Until I was forced to step away from life for a bit.

To learn that I will go on. That just like last time, I’ll get through this with His strength. I’ll feel like the “me” He desires me to be me once again.

Obladi oblada life goes on, brahhh Lala how the life goes on

And so will I.

 
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Posted by on May 22, 2019 in Broken, Yet Beautiful, Mercy

 

He is protecting me

“But who is protecting us?”

That was the question I asked. After I had once again felt victim to someone’s cruel behavior. A kid, in fact. Discouraged once again that I had spent a number of years (and countless tears) devoting my time, talent, and energy to being light and love in the midst of all that was dark and mean in this world. Discouraged because now I was being mocked, laughed at, and rejected time and time again by those for whom I had made it my calling to protect. For whom I cared. Even loved as if they were my own.

Who was protecting me?

So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you. He will place you on a firm foundation. 1 Peter 5:10

He is protecting me.

Just like he protected the one who died to save me.

Who suffered through more pain than I did. Who was rejected. Mocked. Laughed at. Sold out by those he loved. Who claimed to follow him.

He protects me by giving me rest. He protects me by reminding me that in His Word it reminds me just how worthy I am. He protects me by fighting for me and alongside me. He protects me by never leaving me, even if the world decides I am a joke and rejects me. He protects me by giving me everything I need even in the midst of my suffering.

Though it may be a little while.

He holds me.

He sustains me.

He strengthens me.

He protects me.

 
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Posted by on February 6, 2019 in Mercy

 

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The One who stays…

Give up. Left. Let go. Abandoned.

These are the things that may swim around in our hearts and heads when we choose to relinquish control of a situation. When we choose to let our children, despite our prudent advice, follow their own path. When we choose to untie the strings that bind us to a past of hurt, and even the people who were part of it. When we choose to speak the truth in love to others we care for, instead of always “making nice” about how we feel about their choices or the way we are treated.

When we choose to simply take a step back and stop doing all the human intervening and fixing, our human hearts start to believe we have been left, or that we are failing others.

Here’s the truth:

The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. Elijah, for instance, human just like us, prayed hard that it wouldn’t rain, and it didn’t-not a drop for three and a half years. Then he prayed that it would rain, and it did. The showers came and everything started growing again. James 5:16-18,MSG

This means, I only let go of the string. I drop all of what I was trying to control, even the parts of that person I wanted to fix and manipulate, at the cross. I leave it up to the One who can truly change lives. My job is to ask God to fix it.

We never leave. We never abandon ship. We never give up. We always hope. We always love. For those of us who have God in our corner we are praying tear-stained prayers for that prodigal son or daughter. We are screaming at God in our cars on the way home asking Him to help us help you. We are desperately asking Him for miracles. Praying for the sky to open up, and for God to rain down His blessings on you.

We just may not be present to watch someone continuously make poor choices. To keep swooping in to save the day. We are desperately praying and waiting for the day that God will do that.

Because we know He is a God that never leaves. Never abandons. Always hopes. Always loves. Will make things new. And will bring healing to the broken. We can’t do that without Him.

So the ones who stay, rely on Him to do what only He can do. We pray. We ask for Him to work in the lives of those we love. And we stop doing all the work, so He can work.

But we never leave.

We are the ones who stay.

Asking for help from the One who stays.

 
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Posted by on February 2, 2019 in Grace, Mercy

 

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This is my song

“Wow, how I have missed this.” It’s the comment made on a live Facebook recording our worship pastor posted from her piano, in her home, on a snowy morning. We had all missed church that morning, thanks to the several inches of snow that had fallen in our Virginia town, but we were still enjoying our time together in song. And, while I was definitely enjoying the time spent in my pjs; I was also missing the time spent together, in each other’s presence in worship as well.

It’s your breath in our lungs/So we pour out our praise, pour out our praise/It’s your breath in our lungs/So we pour out our praise to you, only. -All Sons and Daughters, Great Are You Lord

Praise and worship can come in many forms. Giving the words of one’s testimony. Prophecy. Service. But nothing gets to the core of my soul and my connection with God (aside from prayer) quite like a song. The lyrics. Well-written and perfectly timed. Sang directly from the heart can speak to the place in my heart that God may want to reveal or ignite.

Music can speak to those overwhelmed and hidden emotions. It can often say the things I dare not speak. The things I can’t quite find the right or most eloquent words to say. Surely someone, somewhere wrote some song, or catchy chorus that said just what I needed.

Music was the gateway that led me straight to God in the first place. It is how his prevenient grace kept calling to me over and over, before I ever realized what was happening. Whether it was belting out “His Eye is on the Sparrow” as a teen, and not quite understanding the greatness of those words. Or dancing on a stage to “Joyful, Joyful,” God was pursuing me through song.

As I sat in my favorite chair, reading His Word, listening on this snowy day to a new song, I stopped when I heard these words:

Take a look at my life/I’m not who I was before/Look in my eyes/I’m not hiding anymore/We all fall short of perfect, and I’m living proof/So, if you think God’s love could never find you/Take a look at my life. -Branan Murphy, My Life

That song tells a story. One that could easily be mine. Or yours.

Because I was not perfect when I came to Jesus, and asked for forgiveness. When I asked for his mercy. His grace.

But there is this idea that we need to be.

And I still remember that song that was playing when this mess of a young woman decided she needed a Savior. What that song said she needed to be “perfect.”

Perfect submission, all is at rest. I in my Savior am happy and blessed. Watching and waiting, looking above. Filled with his goodness, lost in his love. 

This is my story. This is my life. It was not perfect. There are days it still is not. I was broken. Confused. Saved in a worship service, while a song played. The only thing I had to offer him was “perfect” submission. And thanks to his love, I am not the bitter, negative, unhappy person I was before.

I can sing a new song. Boldly. Praising my Savior. All the day long.

 
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Posted by on January 20, 2019 in Mercy, You Make All Things New

 

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Peace with everyone

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Do all that you can to live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18

For years I have tried to determine the best way to read, reflect, and write what God has spoken to me as I sit with Him each day. There has been quite a learning curve along the way. Many a planner bought. Many a planner tossed. Until finally the system that works for me was born.

It involves reading a passage of Scripture, noting the particular verse that speaks to me, and writing down what He says to me.

I also then pencil in a verse of the day.

Sometimes I read the rest of the passage. Most days I don’t.

Until this particular day. Only because it had been the second time in two weeks I had been directed to this very one.

Live at peace with everyone.

Really, God…everyone?

When I picked this particular plan on peace. My hope was that God would reveal that “peace that surpasses all understanding” in some of the areas where I just didn’t have any. Where situations still remained a little chaotic, and there were still some weeds in my garden to tend to…some I wasn’t sure if they were even mine to “weed out.”

I wasn’t expecting this to be his first plea! I definitely wasn’t expecting it to show up again a few short weeks later.

So what does the rest of the passage say? How does God expect us to live in peace with everyone?

Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.” Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Romans 12:19-20, MSG

By doing. By loving. By buying my enemy lunch and a drink. Now, do I have to sit with them and eat? Not. Nothing says we have to be the best of friends. However, will there come a time this person needs to be shown compassion? Maybe. Who should they see? A bitter ole hag, still dragging around old baggage? Or a kind and loving Jesus?

Peace comes when we relinquish the need to harbor hate towards those who have plotted evil against us. When we can wish them well from “over there.” When we can move about our day, knowing that God will judge the integrity of those who lie and scheme. We don’t have to. It’s too much for us to bear.

We just have to do good. Even to those who hurt us. Even to those we don’t like.

Even to those who yes (human emotion, here)…we really do hope tumble for all the pain they have caused.

But, He will take care of that. We simply take care of doing good.

Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good. Romans 12:21

 
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Posted by on August 16, 2018 in Loving Others, Mercy

 

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It’s lonely out here…

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are already doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

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“In ministry, I have found that our own thoughts can be quite dangerous. We start second-guessing what we should have done, what should have been said, what could have been changed, or why we did one thing over another. The quiet times mulling over our thoughts can create sadness, discouragement, and sometimes even anger.”

This. From a fellow student of ministry in an ordination class I am taking. A class that for several weeks I have struggled to keep up with honestly. I’ll admit it. A class I am struggling not to fail.

This student had described exactly what I had been wrestling: loneliness, worry that I had goofed up, doubt. This need to have it all together. And, then the desperate want to just fall apart.

As pastors and shepherds, we are called to encourage. To guide. To lead others to know Jesus and His love in a way they have never known.

Yet, there are days I feel deeply discouraged and terrified that if I say the wrong thing I’ll guide and lead someone astray.

As His ambassadors of love, we are givers of grace, forgiveness, and apologies that we often have to swallow to give when we are the ones who have been hurt, because after all we are that “Christian pastor.” When what we want to do is scream at the abuser, lash out at the persecutor, or just plain scream at God for allowing the hurt at all.

We love even when it doesn’t make sense. And, most of the time it doesn’t make sense. Because it didn’t make sense for Jesus, either. And, we desperately want others to know this kind of love.

We follow His will despite doubt, fear, intimidation, and the flaming arrows of Satan.

And, on top of that we worry about every conversation. The devil beats us down about every flaw. He does one heck of a number on our heads. And, we often have very few we can talk to, because most look to us for the wisdom.

It’s lonely out here.

So, we offer the encouragement we so need ourselves.

For me…it’s twofold. Not only am I a shepherd. I also have the role as a counselor to children as my “day job.” I am looked to as their guide. The one to provide sound advice. Steer them in the right direction. Provide them with the “right” tools. Be an encourager. Sometimes even just safety, security, and even love.

But, I agonize over whether that guidance was right? What triggered that meltdown that I didn’t catch in time? Did I make a decision that may have caused hurt? Said something that triggered some emotional response?

Worried that one misstep could royally mess them all up.

It’s lonely out here.

But, the children still need guidance. Safety. Security. Love.

So, the encourager uses the words she needs to hear herself.

Can I offer a little advice? From a pastor? A counselor? A never-ending encourager?

If you have a champion in your life, throw that champion a floatie. Offer some words of encouragement for all those times they have saved you.

Because, it’s lonely out there. And, well…sometimes the encouragers need a little saving, too.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

 
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Posted by on August 1, 2018 in Mercy, Ministry and Education

 

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But with God…it’s all OK

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Summer has for the past several years been a time for renewal. It has been a time to focus on relaxing, self-care, and spending time setting long forgotten priorities back into balance. For the past two years the beginning of summer has not began in a mode of peace, and I have had to really seek God’s leading each morning as I read His Word. I have always found comfort in the verses and passages of Isaiah as I have hunted and pecked through my Bible over the years. Such messages as “do not be afraid;” or “I have chosen you, and not rejected you” (Isaiah 41:9); and “I will hold you in my victorious right hand” (Isaiah 41:10) have all provided me with comfort. And, I thought these messages would be fitting as I navigated new, unknown territory in ministry, and a new school assignment. Because, at times I have been fearful. Uncertain. Afraid.

Then as I began to study all the chapters of Isaiah, I read that it’s central theme was “God as Savior,” and “redemption from Egypt.” Well, since I had felt like I had been trapped in Egypt for some time…well, it seemed perfect to me.

For the past two days I have asked God this question many times: Why?

Because, I can’t understand over the course of the last few months why some things happened the way they did. Why my heart remains heavy at times. Why I have cried myself to sleep asking this question, and hearing no answer. Why I still feel like I have failed in some way to fulfill whatever He called me to.

Today as I sat on my porch reading over my daily assigned passage in Isaiah, I was directed to also read one from Matthew:

“Stay alert. This is hazardous work I’m assigning you. You’re going to be like sheep running through a wolf pack, so don’t call attention to yourselves. Be as cunning as a snake, inoffensive as a dove. Don’t be naive. Some people will impugn your motives, they will smear your reputation-just because you believe in me. Don’t be upset when they haul you before the civil authorities. Without knowing it, they’ve done you-and me-a favor, given you a platform for preaching the kingdom news! And don’t worry about what you’ll say or how you’ll say it. The right words will be there; the Spirit of your Father will supply the words.” (Matthew 10:16-20, MSG)

I wasn’t arrested. I never stood trial. But, there were days I felt like I was whipped, branded a liar, and some crazy person for doing what God wanted me to do. Mocked in front of others because I “prayed about it.” And in the end, not able to speak the truths I knew. Those that still haunted me at times.

But God…he had more to show me on that porch:

But everyone who endures to the end will be saved. When you are persecuted in one town, flee to the next. Matthew 10:22-23

I stopped. Looked up. And simply said: “God, I have found favor in you, haven’t I?”

See, He hadn’t left me. He had given me a way out.

And while I wept, I knew in that moment…everything was going to be OK.

“The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent.” Exodus 14:14

Maybe I wasn’t able to fight an earthly battle for truth and justice, but God…He was fighting. Truth and justice would win eventually. And, it was all going to be OK.

Maybe I had to be broken, beaten, whipped, and bruised in order to be made new and victorious. But with God, it was all going to be OK.

I had been as gentle as a sheep. As harmless as a dove. I had shown God’s love, and not wavered. I had endured to the end, and done what he had instructed. not leaving Him. And, God…He certainly never left me. And, it is all going to be OK.

 
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Posted by on July 6, 2018 in Mercy

 

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