Courage

“Don’t be afraid,” he said, “take courage, I am here.” Matthew 14:27

Recently, we moved out of the house we had lived in for nine years. For those years we were comforted and secure inside its walls. We had time to get used to every noise. The environment around us. Every creek. Every dark corner. Every creepy cranny.

Then we made the decision to move. Not an easy one. We had our little monster to consider. The one that doesn’t handle change very well. While we were blessed with a house that was on the same bus route, we worried about this new transition. What would these new surroundings do to our boy’s overwhelming anxiety? Our finely established and well-tuned routine?

For a couple weeks, it seemed we had made it through unscathed. Excitement of having rooms of their own assuaged any doubts. New routines were put in place. All was well.

New home. New noises. New environment around us. New creaks. New dark corners. New creepy crannies. New curly-headed boy fears.

“Mommy, It’s cweepy in here.”

This. The second night in a row. During an already exhausting week? Really? I just want to sleep. And, at first I tried to. Sleep alone that is. I had that “discussion” about needing to be a “big boy.” Needing to handle this one alone. So, I went to bed. Certain that once I put my foot down, he would heed this and try to be a little brave.

Until, I heard it. Soft whimpers. From his room. Whimpers of loneliness. Whimpers of fear.

“Honey, remember what we learned tonight. Jesus gives us courage.”

Yet, the room was still too “cweepy.” And, as I heard the soft footsteps. Saw the tiny shadow along the wall, walking along to Mommy’s room. Heard that tiny voice at the end of my bed once again reveal he was scared. I knew I had to be “it.” I had to be his courage.

Do not neglect to do good, and share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God. Hebrews 13:16

He has been my courage. He, Jesus, has sat with me and comforted me in dark corners and creepy crannies. So, I sacrificed some sleep, and I shared it. I shared some of mine. My courage. To ask Him for help. To let Him lull us both to sleep.

And, as he pressed his warm little back against mine, I knew that for him to have a little peace tonight, I had to give him a little of mine.

For him. For his protection. Because, right now…Mommy is his courage. Until he has the grown the wings to look for and rest on those promises on his own.

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